Thursday, 28 November 2013

This Is Why Paediatrics Is Not My Thing..

Today is my first day at the neonatal unit. After the ward round, I went downstairs to the special care unit for neonates. The first time I went in, I found that the situation is very different. Instead of beds and large monitors we usually see in ICU for adults, things are much more . . .  tiny here. I can see lots of cubicles here and there, with little monitors besides them. There are few women, sitting at the chair, looking sadly at the cubicles which contained their precious little ones. 

I headed to the centre of the room, where the nurses put all the medical charts of the patients here. My eyes caught the file that I'm looking for, a very interesting case I would say. A baby with Patau Syndrome, quite a rare disease, a very depressing one. Babies with Patau Syndrome do not only have congenital cardiac defect, cleft palate, polydactyly (got more than five fingers on one hand) and several other physical disabilities, but they also suffer from mental retardation and the life expectancy is also shorter.  From discussion with one of the doctors there, I came to know a more heart-breaking fact, that the baby is actually an IVF baby, which means the parents are very keen to have him. I decided to just watch them from far because it is too painful to even trying to put myself in their shoes. I just pray may Allah keep them strong.

Not willing to stay long in that area, I followed a doctor to see him do cannulation (putting a line to the vein for drug/fluid induction) to a baby. Since that the vein is very small, it was very hard for him to do it. They tried a few times but still couldn't get it right. 

Part of me was screaming, "Leave the baby alone!"
Another part was trying to rationalize things, "That's for his own good."

The baby was traumatize i guess since he pulled his leg away once my fingers set on it. Poor little thing! T_T

After wondering around, watching and observing each baby, I finally decided to leave. Emotionally challenged, emotionally drained. That's why being a paediatrician has never cross my mind. 

Got to be emotionally strong tomorrow. A long day awaits. 
Please get better little ones. I can't stand watching more and more of you here.

Thursday, 21 November 2013

Cause after all those wings will take you up so high..

Chase your dreams
And remember me, sweet bravery
Cause after all those wings will take you up so high...
So bid the forest floor good-bye as you race the wind and
Take to the sky...

Believe in yourself.
And keep pushing to the limit.
Its not gonna be easy, 
But sure its gonna be worth it.

Tuesday, 5 November 2013

A distant prayer. :)

This is what an Irish friend of mine send to me when she knows that I'm having a presentation tomorrow. ^^ Semangat bagi support. Thanks dear. :)

We always have good times sharing and discussing on Muslims and Catholic.
May Allah gives her hidayah one day, amin.

Now, need to get back to work.

Bismillahi tawakkaltu a'lallah.
May Allah ease. :)

Monday, 4 November 2013

For I Cannot Weaken If He Is With Me..

Sometimes I do feel lonely, even when I have everyone around me.
Sometimes I do feel exhausted when I had actually done nothing.
Sometimes I do feel like drowning.
Drowning in my own self, like a fish drown in an open sea.

Then I realise something.
I realise I need a cure, even when I'm not physically sick.
No, it's not the body. It's the soul.
And I realise, no one can save me. 
No one but Him.

Then He gave me a present.
It's Muharam.
Another good strong reason to keep the positive changes for a better me.
And alhamdulillah, it comes in winter.
Longer quieter nights to be closer to Him.
To become a faithful lover,
Who had been longing the love of her Creator.

Yes, its Muharam.
Another year of hopes and dreams.
May this year comes with greater blessings.
May each day pass, and the closer I'll be.
For I cannot weaken if He is with me.